Gudnight, Sleep Tight

Well, my weekend was the same old same old.. still nothing yang to be excited about. Saturday, stengah hari mengabis pagi dgn tdor. Actually dah bgn awal, lam kul 6am giya. Ngga jam, terpikir "Maseh awal tok," sambung balit, then bgn gik kul 730am. Pkir gik, sambong lok stengah jam kakya mandik then g breakfast.

Pasya bangun last2 dah kul 1230pm. kuang.. kuang.. kuang.. Kakya sik jadi plan mok kluar. Ada juak rasanya mok g brunch ka apa, then xda kwn nak d embak, alu xjadi. So the whole Saturday just lunch dgn mee sedap jak.

Hahaha..

So yesterday morning was the first time kmk pegi ngundi. Pegi ngan cousin2, sama2 juak kmk org first time. Ya jak la crita hujung minggu. Sbena nya ada juak rasa nak g ngga Iron Man 3 lepas ngundi, dgr org madah crita ya best, and again.. xda geng, so duk umah jak la.. hahaha..

Nektok maseh nggu apa full result GE#13 tok.

Bukan nya apa nggu announcement public holiday jak. xda lain. sapa xmok nak owh? Dpt juak nambah sehari gik cuti kmk tok. Hehe..

Anywho, in my head right now, thinking,"how i wish that i could stay up late with someone special watching this together."

Someday, insyaAllah.

Gudnyte, sleep tight.

Feelin Friday: Someone Out There?

So marek ngan ritok kmk cuti. After 5 bulan, kmk baru cuti. Cuti pun maseh byk juak lagik. So smua hari yg kmk start rilexing dari 1 May riya, 5 hari la smua nya termasok weekend tok kelak. Cuma nok xbest nya, xda plan g cne2. Just dudok umah jak, main game, ngga YouTube, "kemas bilit" and of course, paling penting: tidor petang, bukan slalu dpt nak owh.. then mlm susah mok tidor..

Hahaha..

Ritok tek, lekak anta adik kmk pegi keja, g breakfast skejab mkn roti canai. Rasa nya lmk udah sik mkn roti canai awal pagi weekdays, memandang kan kerja non stop jak spanjang 5 bulan tok. Bukan nya apa, kmk give way bah org lain cuti, sbena nya spatutnya kmk ada cuti juak last month, tapi atas sebab2(kerja juak & ada org emergency leave) kmk mpun cuti brought forward, so come to this day la.

Anyways, masa kmk dudok mkn consentret sambel main candy crush, ada beberapa org laki dudok sbelah, xlmk dgr cdak tetak2, duhal cdak ya tek ngenjen ada mpuan yg boleh tahan juak cute nya dudok d meja sberang. kmk sik juak lalek, tp nok molah kmk rasa sikit suk, bila cdak laki dah crita2 sama cdak sndirik, kmk rasa mcm kenak perati.

you know that feeling. then kmk jelin skejab si mpuan ya tek, duhal nya tgh ngusha kmk(i know.. i know.. perasan santan jak kmk sbena nya) senyum jak la kmk, skali nya senyum juak.. so kira kompom la nya perati kmk.. hehe.. perasan.. perasan.. nok cali nya, si mpuan ya mkn sorg2 jak.. impossibru? biasa nya mpuan cute2, kacak2, lawa2 xda mkn sorg2.. mustahil kata org melaya.. i honestly don't know.. sbb xda juak peneman ngagak dudok mkn dgn nya..

kmk pun cun2 juak dah abis mkn, time kmk byr, jelin kmk nya skali gik, senyum lagik nya ngan kmk.. again, i know.. i know.. nang perasaan kmk yang perasantan ya.. kali ada bekas kari or roti tetinggal kat mulut ka kali, kat baju ka kali, or aek tetumpah kat sloa ka kali.. ada juak kmk ngecheck bila dlm keta, tp xda juak..

yala dlm hati kmk mikir,

"maseh ada juak daya penarik kmk tok, ingak tek udah basik"

hahaha.. 

maybe kmk should get out more nak owh? ne la tauk dlm pada masa ya, jumpa la aher nya dgn jodoh.. hahaha.. lawak 20sen kata kita biak dolok marek.. ok la biak baya kmk dolok marek..

then again, *PART EMO TOK*


i can only say that i have nothing to give. i am neither good looking nor am i wealthy. Cuma yang pasti jak, when i love, i love completely. when i care, i care deeply. when i missed someone, i missed them dearly. ya pun entah, samada a gift or a curse.

as one thing that kind of annoys me, it feels sometimes like that i am just a transit. oh well, maybe i am WRONG. of course la i am definitely wrong, but just that, kmk feels this way.

it is unfortunate that kmk rasa yg i am only needed only for feeling in jak, you know, utk ngisik ruang sementara jak la bah..

i know kmk shouldn't think this way.

~sigh~

i guess the reason that kmk start dah balit emo tgh tgh mlm tok is, kmk is thinking of someone, yeah, even if mmg mustahil ngan impossible, kmk just hope that somebody out there is thinking of me too..

Stay Safe, Jaga Dirik 2.

My story of the day is really something that i myself x jangka akan berlaku dlm my family. Not my own family but my whole family in general. Semoga menjadi pengajaran & peringatan utk dirik kmk sendirik and hopefully for those who are reading this also.

Benda2 mcm biasa nya kita baca dlm newspaper or kita sendirik pikir xakan berlaku kat keluarga kita or extended family. Nang x sangka juak la bnda tok terjadi.

Well camtok, situasi nya agak sama dengan kes2 nok udah berlaku & d laporkan dalam TV, dlm newspaper even dlm blog2 org. Pernah dengar mpuan lari dgn foreigner? X kisah la, org afrika ka, org pakistan ka, org turki ka, org indonesia ka or org puteh nok dari bermacam negara d seluruh dunia tok.

INGAT TOK:

Kalau maok berkenalan ngan org foreigner dlm apa2 juak media social kat internet tok, berkenalan la, xkesah, even kmk pun ada kwn dari media social nok kenal dari bermacam cara temu, ada dari sama minat band, ada dari sama minat genre movie, ada sama minat main computer game, yes kmk ada mcm2 jenis kwn luar negara yg dari mcm2 latar belakang.

The thing is right now, if you are a woman, and.. kmk have to put this lightly in terms of words. If you're a woman and looking for someone utk cerita2 ka, kenal2 ka ngan org lelaki foreigner, you know, just to kenal2 ajak, fine by all means xda org melarang.

But.. if org ya.. how to say this.. start to be "extra" nice, compliment lebih2 or may even meluah perasaan ka. Please by the love of god, take extra precaution. If he even say that maok sik travel ke luar negara utk jln2 ka, utk ngagak nya ka, even perhaps offer tolong carik kerja bagus nok lebih bagus dari nok dlm Malaysia tok sendirik.

INGAT: RED FLAG!

Of course kmk xpat juak nak mdh jgn xpercaya langsung. or mmg sidak tok org jaik. BUT.. SERIOUSLY MOST UNFORTUNATE cases and KEBANYAKAN nya adalah PENIPU! Especially mun udah kenal "LAMAK" tek konon, bait bahasa nya(remember it is only online), or if skyping, handsome camne pun org ya, mcm Shah Rukh Khan ka, mcm Ryan Rosling ka, mcm Antonio Banderas ka, if nya start being lebih "bait" dari biasa kata org, ngan torg mpuan, you must trigger something in your head:

IF THIS GUY IS FOR REAL?

Aok mmg la nya real, manusia, i did not meant alien or hantu. BUT what i meant is, is he who he says he is. Mun nya mdh nya lawyer, how are you to know? Mun nya mdh nya kali la konon tek humble, just delivery man, how are you to know? Nya kali d sebelah bumi, kita d sitok, how are you to know?

Byk udah kes mpuan Malaysia jadi keldai dadah nok d laporkan, and based of apa nok udah kmk baca dari akhbar or internet sik smua berjaya d selamatkan, mbak balit ke Malaysia. Byk nok maseh dlm penjara d seluruh pelusok dunia. Wallahualam, nok x d lapor entah berapa byk. Ngan entah camne ndak ka nasib cdak ya.

Byk d janji kan duit lumayan, kerja bagus, cinta or even just a chance to travel ngga tempat org. Aher nya kenak tipu, jadi ejen dadah. Even ada nok udah tauk tapi maseh mok juak ngekot sbb semata2 mok ambik duit cara senang.

Bukan nak persangka burok ngan cdak laki foreigner tok, tp udah berlaku dlm family sendirik, what am i to say more?

Lebih2 lagi bila nok terjadi tok, seorg isteri. Kmk xtauk apa motivasi nya utk ngekot lari ngan org kedak ya, sampei sanggup ninggal anak2 nok maseh kecik. Kmk xmok.. sbena nya xsanggup tyk lebih2 sbb ngga org nok teraniaya ya nang nampak kecewa & marah bila ngenang isteri nok d sayang molah nya camtok.

All that i can say now is, smoga yg teraniya ya tabah menghadapi dugaan dari Allah nok nang besar tok. Apatah lagik dgn menjaga anak2 nok maseh kecik. Semoga d berik kekuatan, ngan d berik petunjuk utk meneruskan hidup lepas tok. Kmk org akan nolong nok ne nok termampu.

Utk yg lain2 please stay safe, and jaga dirik bait2.

Will The Future Be Fine?

So yesterday, as kmk megang my baby niece for the first time, flood of thoughts came into my head.. Some or most of the questions from time to time, ada slalu d ulang2 kmk in this stupid blog of mine. i guess this could clearly show what a mess i am.

of how insecure i really am.
of how unreliable i really am.

entah la, kmk x tauk camne nak menjelas kan the feelings and thoughts yg ada dlm hati ngan palak kmk tok. because IF someday someone finally sees something in me and wants to be besides me going forth into the unknown future and.. molah kmk terfikir..

someday in the future;

will i be a good husband for her?
will i be a good father for my child/children?
will i be a good son in law for her family?

i know, nang totally idiotic ngan stupid mun fikir camtok bah.

The thing is kmk nektok pun xterurus dgn dirik sendirik, camne la nak jaga anak org or moreover anak sendirik kelak. Tp teringat juak ada org mdh ngan kmk, i think my former colleague kali ka sapa time ya; nya mdh don't worry, when the time comes you'll know what to do.

i guess i shouldn't be terlampau gilak apa nama nya, terlalu over gilak fikir tentang tok.. eerr.. ada tiga perkataan yg sama maksud sia.. haha.. Bukan nya apa, lets make it simple la, i look up to my dad. He has done a lot for our family, blood, sweat, sacrifice and much much much more usaha nok kmk org anak2 tok sik tauk and cuma nya ngan mak kmk jak yg tanggung.

So i know, i am not even half the man my dad is. i know i am not even a good big brother to my younger siblings. How can i, being the "man" that i am now, can take care of another person well being..

Hahaha.. Mcm2 jak..

Also, actually..
is thinking of someone nektok and tetak kedirik, why should i do so.. i don't even deserve her. Hahaha.. May Allah bless you woman! thank you for giving me the attention, can you please stop going into my head when i wanted to sleep(PERASAN).. hahaha..

What the hell am i doing thinking about this and ngerepak tgh2 mlm tok, nak owh?
Don't worry. InsyaAllah, dgn usaha & doa everything will be fine. Hopefully. Amin.