Will The Future Be Fine?

So yesterday, as kmk megang my baby niece for the first time, flood of thoughts came into my head.. Some or most of the questions from time to time, ada slalu d ulang2 kmk in this stupid blog of mine. i guess this could clearly show what a mess i am.

of how insecure i really am.
of how unreliable i really am.

entah la, kmk x tauk camne nak menjelas kan the feelings and thoughts yg ada dlm hati ngan palak kmk tok. because IF someday someone finally sees something in me and wants to be besides me going forth into the unknown future and.. molah kmk terfikir..

someday in the future;

will i be a good husband for her?
will i be a good father for my child/children?
will i be a good son in law for her family?

i know, nang totally idiotic ngan stupid mun fikir camtok bah.

The thing is kmk nektok pun xterurus dgn dirik sendirik, camne la nak jaga anak org or moreover anak sendirik kelak. Tp teringat juak ada org mdh ngan kmk, i think my former colleague kali ka sapa time ya; nya mdh don't worry, when the time comes you'll know what to do.

i guess i shouldn't be terlampau gilak apa nama nya, terlalu over gilak fikir tentang tok.. eerr.. ada tiga perkataan yg sama maksud sia.. haha.. Bukan nya apa, lets make it simple la, i look up to my dad. He has done a lot for our family, blood, sweat, sacrifice and much much much more usaha nok kmk org anak2 tok sik tauk and cuma nya ngan mak kmk jak yg tanggung.

So i know, i am not even half the man my dad is. i know i am not even a good big brother to my younger siblings. How can i, being the "man" that i am now, can take care of another person well being..

Hahaha.. Mcm2 jak..

Also, actually..
is thinking of someone nektok and tetak kedirik, why should i do so.. i don't even deserve her. Hahaha.. May Allah bless you woman! thank you for giving me the attention, can you please stop going into my head when i wanted to sleep(PERASAN).. hahaha..

What the hell am i doing thinking about this and ngerepak tgh2 mlm tok, nak owh?
Don't worry. InsyaAllah, dgn usaha & doa everything will be fine. Hopefully. Amin.