Sorry For My Stupidity.

You know what sucks?

When you said something although at that moment in time doesn't seems to have much impact, then suddenly you're realised that you're the one inadvertently caused someone else's blood and sweat hard work gone to waste. i know i am at fault here. Stupid.

STUPID. i am stupid.

Yeah, i guess, the lesson here is, if you're not too sure, just shut the fuck up.

i am now feeling down. So down because i have let someone down. All the hard work done has gone to waste, just because, i, in one way or another, have done or better put, said something that is just clearly not the right information.

Oh god damn it.

If there is some way that i could really show how sorry i am, i would do it in a heartbeat. Then again, whats done is done, nothing can change that now.

i guess i don't have the capacity to properly weight in or see how much hard work people have done behind the scene. i know i am that stupid. STUPID.

i guess sorry is meaningless in this situation, but i truly am.

Sorry for not realizing the huge mistake it was in the first place.
Sorry for saying something without properly seeking the correct information.
Sorry for throwing your hard work down the drain.
Sorry for letting you down.

i know there is no way i can make up for this, please excuse my stupidity and i'll be more careful for what i say next time, or i just better shut the fuck up.

Please forgive me.
Sorry.

Upset: Laptop Rusak.

Aaaaarrrrgggghhh..

Upset yes, tapi xla sampei raging(marah gila), buuuttt.. close and almost. Laptop kmk rosak kipas nya. Okay, if by any chance you guys, my imaginary readers sik faham? Let kmk explain.

Laptop, modern one, or.. eerr.. "lastest" ones, please mind the "..". Nektok modern laptop ada duak igek kipas, biasa nya sigek kipas utk CPU and sigek gik utk GPU. If antara salah satu daripada sigek kipas tok rosak, or even both then, bak kata org puteh dalam movie, you're screwed.

Sebab nya, kipas ya berfungsi utk menyejukkan CPU & GPU(if ada dlm laptop, most modern one do) daripada terlampau panas and rusak. So, if ktk org mpun laptop suddenly pandei padam sendirik, nya ada display madah "this laptop will shut down.." or something in that manner, or even just padam terus kedirik. Meaning CPU laptop ya udah terlampau panas way beyond threshold and nya mpun security built in akan terus shut down laptop ya sendirik.

In which what my laptop did. Luckily, mun makei Windows 7, if the laptop supports it, kita leh engkah power option nya pegi ke Battery Saver or Low Consumption, or something in that manner. So i have to make do with that. Laptop kmk still leh hidup, up and running. At the moment la.

BUT KMK X DAPAT MAIN GAME! FFUUUUUUCCCCCCCKKKKKKK!!!

Sbena nya kmk udah order laptop baru, tapi maseh blom sampei. Which also close to enrage me. Sebab lamak udah order tp belom ada juak.

The fact that since a kid and sampei nektok, kmk nang gamer, so mun xdpt main game feveret, rasa nang xtauk how to put in words. Bored ada, boring gila ada.. haha..

So now, i am reduced to only browsing the web & ngga YouTube jak. Which is... sooo freaking

BORING!

LOL!

Feelin Friday: Missing.

Missing as in Rindu.



Sometimes i can't just help it but kmk like to imagine that perhaps someone would missed me, just as kmk thinking tentang org ya. Wishful thinking. Wishful thinking but hopefully in an alternate universe, ada org serupa kmk dlm dunia ya. That kmk dlm dunia ya when kmk have someone in mind and missing that person, the person would feel the same.

It may not happen in this reality, but if such a thing wujud, harap2 la kmk dlm dunia ya would be in love and be love.

(i missed you)

Welcome to Feeling Friday.

Kesah Kasut...

Kmk have always been a shoe person. Apa nok kmk meant by that is, kmk xsuka makei slepar. Nang dari zaman sekolah menengah dolok, semenjak kenal sukan ekstrem that is Skateboard, kmk xsuka makei slepar. Mun bejalan ka, bersukan ka(of course la), even masok lam utan pun kmk maseh makei kasut.

Mun kmk bebeli kasut, kmk nang carik jenis kasut skate, sebab kasut skate, rasa nya comfy tp sik terlalu nipis rasa. i meant, kasut skate biasa nya nang fit yet comfortable. Sebab sukan skate nang ekstrem juak, so kasut ya mesti dapat tahan dengan apa2 jak jenis keadaan nok akan berlaku. Mun kmk makei kasut ya, kmk rasa kaki kmk fully protected.

So..

Malam marek, mak xtauk mok masak apa k makan malam, then bpk suroh pegi beli KFC jak. Bila sampei ke Boulevard, heran sebab kaki macam berpasir jak bejalan. Bila masok Boulevard bok perasan, kasut belom becuci sejak dari kampong ariya, about rasanya tiga minggu lepas kali, counted minggu tok juak.

Nang kotor lalu jak kasut kmk. Sebab balit kampong ariya, hari nang ujan jak. Tanah pun becak. Kmk ngekot pegi kubur pun tanah sia nang becak juak.

Meaning to say, kasut kmk maseh ada tanah kubur juak. Nope. Not kidding. Apa nak d takut? Bukan nya ada apa2. Tanah kubor nenek kmk juak ya. Mun nak d ekot ati, nang kmk xmok nyuci kasut kmk ya. Bila nangga keadaan kotor kasut kmk ya, nasib juak kmk xjadi keluar hari marek.

Kira nya marek nak keluar g brunch. Sebab lamak dah rasa nya xkluar g makan. Nasib. Mun kmk kluar juak, nang malu jak rasa mun sedar kasut maseh kotor. Nasib xjadi. Sebab kmk xda kasut lain lagik nak d pakei ke sine2.

Nang jaoh jak rupa nya dari masa kmk mula2 beli dolok. Empat.. or tiga tahun lepas, masa ya kmk meli nya tahun 2010.

Kmk mun makei kasut, bukan nak membangga dirik or ngegeh nak ngeso, tapi honestly, kmk nang "cermat" makei. Or.. perhaps word nok sesuai kali, bagus2 makei. Sebab nak madah cermat sik juak, kmk makei kasut tok ke sine2 jak, bejalan ke pasar ka, g balit kampong ka, bersukan ka even masok utan.

Tp pagi tok tek, udah kmk cuci kasut ya. Harap2 dapat balit karer sevibrant masa kmk mula2 beli dolok. Sebab kmk nyuci k omo Daya bah. Mun d ekot iklan d tibi, nang karer nya jadi terang balit. Mun sik juak, nang bebulak la iklan dlm tibi ya.. LOL!

So anyways..

Kmk nang jenis malas nak bebeli duak tiga igek kasut. Yang penting rasa selesa, kmk senang hati makei, even if design nya simple jak yet d mata kmk nya kacak. Sigek jak cukup. Mun ngekot apa d padah Gandalf dlm LOTR, "One shoe to use it all". umm.. whatever that meant la. You get it right? Selagik current kasut kmk maseh belom rosak or ancor d pakei, kmk akan still makei nya sampei la kasut ya totally rosak, only then kmk meli baru.

Bayangkan jak previous kmk nok tok:

Kamek meli tok tahun 2007. Then baru tukar ke kasut nok current tok. So kira2 empat tahun kmk makei. To be exact 26/10/2007 kmk meli, nok kmk makei nek tok 05/09/2010 tarikh kmk meli. How do i know that? Dlm exif data gambar ya ada madah bah. So nak madah kmk bebulak, nang xdpt la. Sebab setiap gambar yg d ambik ada exif data ya madah bila gambar ya d ambik.

i guess, you can say that kmk jenis loyal. One is enough. xperlu carik banyak2. Mun banyak2 kelak susah nak jaga. Why mok byk2? Sigek ya jak dah boleh d embak ke sine2. Xperlu la nak byk2 pakei ngeso nak owh? Hehe.. What on earth am i talking about?

Saja jak engkah allegory ya sia, or simple terms, double meaning bah. Whether you get it or not, up to you to read it again.

Of course kmk cerita tentang kasut. What else? LOL.

Home With Dada.

Video tok adalah time lapse video dari sorang husband khas d polah utk bini nya, utk memberik tauk bini nya, apa d polah nya ngan their baby son time bini nya keja.

Nang best.


Maybe.

Someday in the future, when kmk have a son of my own, perhaps kali i would do the same... or perhaps it may even be much much more awesome. Why? Because kmk tok in a way, never really "grown up"!

Bwahahaha!

Serious, even nektok kmk maseh maok beli menan menan, nok time kmk masa kecik dolok xpernah ada, walaumacamnegine pun kmk coba pujok, majuk ngan either one of my parents utk beli. Hehe..

Apatah lagik time udah keja tok, ada duit kedirik, mcm2 jak mok d beli. Although nektok taste dah lain la, menan menan nok sophisticated, or more towards gadgetry.

Well, someday..

Someday.

via PetaPixel.

Al Fatihah.

Al Fatihah.

Ari Sabtu tok tek nang seluruh ahli keluarga kmk org nerimak berita yang paling sik d sangka2. Ninek kmk ninggal. Ofkos, mun org tauk berapa umo nya, which was around 92(bukan exactly, she could be a lot older), org akan madah biasa lah ya org tua.

Tapi, ninek kmk nak kata fully sehat sik juak la, tapi nang sehat, xda sakit2 kronik or apa2 sakit2 mengancam nyawa nok sewaktu dgn ya. Bena. Nya nang maseh sehat jak.

Malah bukan nak eksen or molah cerita, ingatan nya pun maseh bagus juak, sampei kan nama2 hampir kesemua cucu2 nya maseh ingat, or perhaps even cicit2 nok slalu ngagak nya pun maseh ngelala. Jangan kan lagik kmk nok nang masa kecik manjak ngan nya tok. Kmk tok juak slalu d carik nya, mun nya d Miri tok.

Nang terkejut ngan terkilan juak. Sebab ari Sabtu tok tek, cdak aunty2 ngan uncle2 ada turun ke kampong makan 20 hari ninggal aunty kmk. Before cdak keluarga d Miri mok balit petang, nya ekot breakfast pagi ya, bercerita d khemah luar, even ptg ya cdak aunty kmk cerita sbelom cdak balit, nya ada nunggu tepi jalan melambei.

Sbena nya, ninek kmk mok ngekot balit ke Miri, sbb lamak udah d kampong bah, tapi udak kmk madah jgn dolok, alang2 mkn 40 hari baruk balit. Then masok Maghrib, nya madah nya penin palak. Nya d urut cdak kazen kmk. Tiba2 jak nafas nya, putus2, bila dak kazen kmk lain rasa, nunggah udak kmk time ya baruk abis mandik.

Sempat juak kazen ngan udak kmk membisik duak kalimah syahadah ngan nya, abis d baca, xda gik nya.

Kmk sekeluarga time ya baruk xlamak balit bejalan, mak udah begoreng ikan juak. Bila terimak telepon madah berita ngejut tok tek. Lalu sengaut kmk org balit. Udah lah jalan ke kampong pun jaik juak, duak kali sangkut kereta kazen kmk kat jeraya kenak becak tanah, tepaksa betolak dalam ujan begelap juak lagik. Nang berat dugaan kmk org nak balit emergency.

Nak padah cerita jak la, apa2pun kmk org tepaksa redha. Dah ketentuan nya kedak ya. Sbena nya tahun tok tek, kira nya kmk org nak molah doa selamat, kumpol seluroh keluarga ramei2, nyambut ari jadi ninek kmk tok, even if tarikh sebena lahir xbetol, tauk jak org dolok2, sijil lahir belom ada bah time ya. Sebab nya antara generasi terakhir org tua2 tulen kampong nok memang asal sia yang maseh ada.

Xsangka juak la. Camtok permulaan tahun tok.

Time kmk agik kecik dolok, masa umah maseh d Pujut nun. Nya la selalu merik kmk duit meli donut kat kantin dekat skolah utk breakfast, or masa kmk kecik kmk nyebut donut ya "kueh gelang". Mun kmk merajuk ka apa ngan bpk or mak kmk, nya la mujok kelak nya meli kueh gelang. Sampei kinek tok, ya memang faveret kueh kmk. Agik kecik memang kmk nang manjak ngan nya. Cuma bila kmk udah sekolah menengah, nya dah xdiam ngan kmk org, kmk pun diam asrama juak, then bila dah besar kerja tok, jarang jak kmk ngagak.

Paling terharu kmk, bila masa bantuan rakyat satu malaysia dolok. Sempat juak nya ngagak kmk ke opis utk ngambik bantuan ya. Even bila staff kmk, ngan uncle & aunty moq kmk yg neman nya ngagak ke opis nyuruh nya tunggu jak debah xperlu nait ke tingkat atas, nya maseh berkeras mok ngagak kmk d atas. Sbena nya kmk xtauk cdak tiga org nak ngagak. xtauk langsung.

Tapi x sangka, nangga nya senyum bila ngga kmk kerja, gembira & terkejut & terharu, lalu rasa. Sebab nya sanggup mok nait tanggak semata2 mok ngga kmk time kmk kerja. Sempat nya nasehat kmk supaya kerja bait2.

Bila naip2 kenangan kedak tok, macam2 jak kenangan dari kmk kecik sampei ke besar masok lam palak. Sedih balit kmk. Ne nok kmk molah nya terkejut palak kmk lukak kenak cangkul masa main harta karun ngan kazen kmk, ne nok kmk kenak sengat penyengat masa main kat pokok bunga d kampong nun, ne nok nya nanyak kmk bila gik nak kawen bila kazen kmk kawen.. macam2 la.. smua ada.

Gine nak molah la. Ajal maut d tangan tuhan. Yang penting nektok, kmk org sekeluarga cuma dapat, sedekah kan ngan nya doa yang banyak2 utk nya. Semoga nya d tempat kan d kalangan org2 yang beriman.

Amin.

When Cats Attack

Lari!



Meow.. Hahaha..

The Future We Dont Know

Oh well, now that DOOMSDAY sik jadi tek 21 December 2012, so what are we gonna do now ey? Now that kita udah masok ke tahun baru 2013 tok. As for  me, back to my usual self la kali, back to being sad and lonely.. lol..

Hahahaa..

i'm kidding. But then again, although tahun tok.. err.. i meant tahun lepas 2012, tahun that i can say mostly quiet or xda anything major happening, it is a disappointing year overall for me. If kmk mok engkah or put my year in a single sentence or ayat, kmk would say that tahun 2012 is "The year of broken dreams and lost hopes".

Because..

Sebab nya, banyak resolutions yang kmk coba polah or just hopes utk polah/start mok polah, kmk either completely and totally forgot about it, or kmk just xda polah langsung. And byk juak harapan yang just tinggal harapan.

Such as:

Kesihatan.

1. Jaga makan: hehe.. part tok kmk nang langsung xda pikir langsung.. er.. secara langsung?! Kmk nang continue eats secara xsihat, aka lots of junk foods, lots of fast foods, lots of fried foods.. etc. Kmk rasa you guys gets the point. Perut pun dah slightlt boroi. Slightly. SLIGHTLY!

2. Jaga tidor: wut?! did i put that in my last year resolutions? yeah you did moron.. aok, kmk ada planning utk jaga tidor kmk last year, or AT LEAST sleeps at a regular time dalam bahasa English. Tapi.. nope xda.

3. Ambik Supplement: Since that kmk nang jenis milih makan and makan secara xsehat, mak kmk nasehaat kmk from time to time utk at least ambik supplement vitamins utk cover nutriens nok kmk xda, ada polah tapi ya la tek, hangat taik ayam, stengah tahun awal jak kmk polah, then xda gik. Ya pun start tgh tahun kmk mpun financial dah xbrp bagus.

4. Eksesais: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA! tek kunun mok start eksesais, since that bpk kmk ada meli beskal eksesais utk nya, kunun la kmk tek mok makei benda ya utk eksesais semadi udah benda ya ada d rumah, xperlu becarik ke Gym gik bah.




Part kesihatan tok nampak nya kmk perlu BROUGHT FORWARD, utk buang keboroian. Hahaha..

Keewangan.
Part tok tahun tok.. err.. tahun lepas.. maseh sama juak ngan tahun 2011 previously, by the time ujong tahun tok tek(2012), simpanan kmk dah abis. Entah camne nya leh jadi camya kmk pun xtauk. Fault nya partly sebab kmk xjaga bebena part miscellaneous spending. Aie.. part spending perkara2 nok remeh temeh bah, yang kita nang take for granted, walaupun nilai amaun nya kecik tapi once added up, byk sebena nya.

Sebab kmk xda spend ngan benda2 yang xberapa perlu utk tahun lepas macam handphone ka apa gadget ka. Yala sedih bila kira2 budget ujong tahun lepas tek, heran ngan sedih, sebab terpaksa ngeluar simpanan utk cover apa semua yang perlu d cover.

Yes, aok, simpan k kawen pun abis juak.. hahaha.. Not that i want to marry this soonest of time, tapi kmk just mok put aside bah, ne tauk tetiba jak ada org maok ngan kmk, at least ada k simpan utk belanja apa smua. Yup tahun tok kmk nang back to square one, utk part tok.

One small small small positive thing yang kmk leh ambik dari cara kmk spending tahun lepas ialah kmk xda beli barang2 xperlu.

Oh wait.. baruk ingat, kmk ada spend lebih sikit time family holiday ke Sabah last year, ya pun bebeli baju, but that is acceptable i guess la, sebab baju2 kmk, especially utk jalan2 ka or utk special occasion nang xda, smua lapok2 ngan outdated. LOL! Mun fashion police ngga baju kmk nang d tunok cdak kali. Hahaha.. But kmk rasa kmk exclude tok la, sbb skali tok jak kmk spend byk utk pakaian, sebab kmk nang jarang bebeli baju2/sluar2 baru, beberapa tahun skali jak.

Again, tahun tok back to square one. Lebih2 lagik kmk nak bercarik rumah tahun tok. BROUGHT FORWARD lagik la tok.

Ish..

Impian.
Tok partly career wise or dreams wise or whatever la. Kmk dreams utk jadi penulis, start dari kecik gik. And kmk intended to finish kmk mpun buku sajak yang dah maybe 10 tahun d tangguh. Sebab nya kmk start nulis nya 2001 and dreams utk self publish nya, tapi xda langsung d siap2. Kinek tok cara utk self publish byk bah, lam internet byk ada jak cara2 yang boleh, kmk pun udah register ngan Amazon, tapi sikap kemalasan ngan procrastination kmk ya lom dapat d kikis.

At least la mok usaha, ne tauk rezeki d sia nak owh? Walaupun xjadi penulis "berjaya", asal dpt publish ke ebook pun ok juak bah.

Again part tok BROUGHT FORWARD juak.

Love.
But of course.. Apa lah hidup tok mun xda rasa cinta dalam hati. Kata org mun cinta ngan manusia mmg akan rasa kecewa, true. Yes, but kmk pun manusia juak bah, bukan nya robot, dah  fitrah, memang la mok bercinta ngan manusia juak. Although kekecewaan ya mmg xdpt d elak, but pengajaran ya hopefully mendewasakan kmk.

i may not get what i want, but yeah, finally i have managed to let it go, udah. Finally. Xda lagik kmk perlu hang into/hold onto something yang never will be in the first place.

For years and years and years and years, kmk put myself in that pain, yes, letting go is so much hurting tapi it is much much much much much much much much more hurtful and damaging utk holding onto sesuatu nok never will be.

Like i said, pengalaman mendewasakan, i guess at this point of age, kmk dah xterlalu memejal gilak, in a way?! Maybe la, or camya la.. i guess kmk dah xterlalu berharap like i used to. i know that kmk tok not that ideal kind of guys, with my social awkwardness, my self insecurity and mcm2 lagik la negative quality yang kmk ada, so i am not too hopeful kata org. If there's a girl nok maok ngan kmk, i guess i am a lucky guy. Maybe she sees something in me that i don't. Yeah, sounds too negative. Rasa nya kmk slowly turns into pesimistik.

Wait.. i guess kmk udah jadi seorg pesimis, yes not a good trait. Certainly not good, but i guess if it helps utk have that shield for my heart, so being a little pessimist not gonna hurt la i guess.

Okay la.. Okay la.. of course kmk will be hopeful, but in a right way and not just too hopeful. HAHA.. Bak kata lagu,"What will be, will be".


The Future We Don't Know

But whatever it is. Utk 2013, kmk will try to be optimistik. Even though to be honest dalam hati kmk, kmk wants to prepare for the worst utk tahun tok which is a pesimistik way, but, bila kmk pikir balit nak masa bangun tidor pagi tadik, just be grateful, byk gik org lebih susah hidup nya dari kmk. At least kmk ada rumah, ada kerja tetap, ada kereta, well.. kmk should be thankful and grateful much more.

So..

2013 tok, what ever happens for good and or for the bad, dengan izin Allah, i will be do my best for the future, however it may be and be grateful for apa nok kmk udah ada. InsyaAllah, if kmk do good, be good, be grateful everything will turn out ok.

Amin.