Oh well, now that DOOMSDAY sik jadi tek 21 December 2012, so what are we gonna do now ey? Now that kita udah masok ke tahun baru 2013 tok. As for me, back to my usual self la kali, back to being sad and lonely.. lol..
Hahahaa..
i'm kidding. But then again, although tahun tok.. err.. i meant tahun lepas 2012, tahun that i can say mostly quiet or xda anything major happening, it is a disappointing year overall for me. If kmk mok engkah or put my year in a single sentence or ayat, kmk would say that tahun 2012 is "The year of broken dreams and lost hopes".
Because..
Sebab nya, banyak resolutions yang kmk coba polah or just hopes utk polah/start mok polah, kmk either completely and totally forgot about it, or kmk just xda polah langsung. And byk juak harapan yang just tinggal harapan.
Such as:
Kesihatan.
1. Jaga makan: hehe.. part tok kmk nang langsung xda pikir langsung.. er.. secara langsung?! Kmk nang continue eats secara xsihat, aka lots of junk foods, lots of fast foods, lots of fried foods.. etc. Kmk rasa you guys gets the point. Perut pun dah slightlt boroi. Slightly. SLIGHTLY!
2. Jaga tidor: wut?! did i put that in my last year resolutions? yeah you did moron.. aok, kmk ada planning utk jaga tidor kmk last year, or AT LEAST sleeps at a regular time dalam bahasa English. Tapi.. nope xda.
3. Ambik Supplement: Since that kmk nang jenis milih makan and makan secara xsehat, mak kmk nasehaat kmk from time to time utk at least ambik supplement vitamins utk cover nutriens nok kmk xda, ada polah tapi ya la tek, hangat taik ayam, stengah tahun awal jak kmk polah, then xda gik. Ya pun start tgh tahun kmk mpun financial dah xbrp bagus.
4. Eksesais: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA! tek kunun mok start eksesais, since that bpk kmk ada meli beskal eksesais utk nya, kunun la kmk tek mok makei benda ya utk eksesais semadi udah benda ya ada d rumah, xperlu becarik ke Gym gik bah.
Part kesihatan tok nampak nya kmk perlu BROUGHT FORWARD, utk buang keboroian. Hahaha..
Keewangan.
Part tok tahun tok.. err.. tahun lepas.. maseh sama juak ngan tahun 2011 previously, by the time ujong tahun tok tek(2012), simpanan kmk dah abis. Entah camne nya leh jadi camya kmk pun xtauk. Fault nya partly sebab kmk xjaga bebena part miscellaneous spending. Aie.. part spending perkara2 nok remeh temeh bah, yang kita nang take for granted, walaupun nilai amaun nya kecik tapi once added up, byk sebena nya.
Sebab kmk xda spend ngan benda2 yang xberapa perlu utk tahun lepas macam handphone ka apa gadget ka. Yala sedih bila kira2 budget ujong tahun lepas tek, heran ngan sedih, sebab terpaksa ngeluar simpanan utk cover apa semua yang perlu d cover.
Yes, aok, simpan k kawen pun abis juak.. hahaha.. Not that i want to marry this soonest of time, tapi kmk just mok put aside bah, ne tauk tetiba jak ada org maok ngan kmk, at least ada k simpan utk belanja apa smua. Yup tahun tok kmk nang back to square one, utk part tok.
One small small small positive thing yang kmk leh ambik dari cara kmk spending tahun lepas ialah kmk xda beli barang2 xperlu.
Oh wait.. baruk ingat, kmk ada spend lebih sikit time family holiday ke Sabah last year, ya pun bebeli baju, but that is acceptable i guess la, sebab baju2 kmk, especially utk jalan2 ka or utk special occasion nang xda, smua lapok2 ngan outdated. LOL! Mun fashion police ngga baju kmk nang d tunok cdak kali. Hahaha.. But kmk rasa kmk exclude tok la, sbb skali tok jak kmk spend byk utk pakaian, sebab kmk nang jarang bebeli baju2/sluar2 baru, beberapa tahun skali jak.
Again, tahun tok back to square one. Lebih2 lagik kmk nak bercarik rumah tahun tok. BROUGHT FORWARD lagik la tok.
Ish..
Impian.
Tok partly career wise or dreams wise or whatever la. Kmk dreams utk jadi penulis, start dari kecik gik. And kmk intended to finish kmk mpun buku sajak yang dah maybe 10 tahun d tangguh. Sebab nya kmk start nulis nya 2001 and dreams utk self publish nya, tapi xda langsung d siap2. Kinek tok cara utk self publish byk bah, lam internet byk ada jak cara2 yang boleh, kmk pun udah register ngan Amazon, tapi sikap kemalasan ngan procrastination kmk ya lom dapat d kikis.
At least la mok usaha, ne tauk rezeki d sia nak owh? Walaupun xjadi penulis "berjaya", asal dpt publish ke ebook pun ok juak bah.
Again part tok BROUGHT FORWARD juak.
Love.
But of course.. Apa lah hidup tok mun xda rasa cinta dalam hati. Kata org mun cinta ngan manusia mmg akan rasa kecewa, true. Yes, but kmk pun manusia juak bah, bukan nya robot, dah fitrah, memang la mok bercinta ngan manusia juak. Although kekecewaan ya mmg xdpt d elak, but pengajaran ya hopefully mendewasakan kmk.
i may not get what i want, but yeah, finally i have managed to let it go, udah. Finally. Xda lagik kmk perlu hang into/hold onto something yang never will be in the first place.
For years and years and years and years, kmk put myself in that pain, yes, letting go is so much hurting tapi it is much much much much much much much much more hurtful and damaging utk holding onto sesuatu nok never will be.
Like i said, pengalaman mendewasakan, i guess at this point of age, kmk dah xterlalu memejal gilak, in a way?! Maybe la, or camya la.. i guess kmk dah xterlalu berharap like i used to. i know that kmk tok not that ideal kind of guys, with my social awkwardness, my self insecurity and mcm2 lagik la negative quality yang kmk ada, so i am not too hopeful kata org. If there's a girl nok maok ngan kmk, i guess i am a lucky guy. Maybe she sees something in me that i don't. Yeah, sounds too negative. Rasa nya kmk slowly turns into pesimistik.
Wait.. i guess kmk udah jadi seorg pesimis, yes not a good trait. Certainly not good, but i guess if it helps utk have that shield for my heart, so being a little pessimist not gonna hurt la i guess.
Okay la.. Okay la.. of course kmk will be hopeful, but in a right way and not just too hopeful. HAHA.. Bak kata lagu,"What will be, will be".
The Future We Don't Know
But whatever it is. Utk 2013, kmk will try to be optimistik. Even though to be honest dalam hati kmk, kmk wants to prepare for the worst utk tahun tok which is a pesimistik way, but, bila kmk pikir balit nak masa bangun tidor pagi tadik, just be grateful, byk gik org lebih susah hidup nya dari kmk. At least kmk ada rumah, ada kerja tetap, ada kereta, well.. kmk should be thankful and grateful much more.
So..
2013 tok, what ever happens for good and or for the bad, dengan izin Allah, i will be do my best for the future, however it may be and be grateful for apa nok kmk udah ada. InsyaAllah, if kmk do good, be good, be grateful everything will turn out ok.
Amin.
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