Feelin Friday: Thinking About You.

Thinking About You.



Can't help it, but is thinking of you, even though dekat2 mok tdor tok. Should be sleeping by now, but the fact that you just cross my mind just now, just makes me sigh..

i know it is highly unlikely that you'd be thinking of me. Then again, the fact of life, you can't have all that you wish for.

Ya jak la.

(Sweet Dreams)

Too Much Thinking Early Morning Tuesday.

Have ktk org(my imaginary reader/s) ever in a situation where, you so "desperately" wanted to text or chat or call the person that is currently occupying your mind tapi x maok nampak desperate or needy or CRAZY?

Have you?
Have you?

No?
i thought so, mmg la kmk ajak. LOL..

Because.
kmk is an idiot like that. Pathetic and idiotic.

Kmk dah, prepare la things to say or what kmk think that should sounds normal to say, in me head. Even kmk repeatedly ulang2 dlm palak, just to perfect it, just so that kmk xsalah cakap maybe, or... something.

Plus kmk ada taip udah dlm henfon, dlm notes, just in case kmk need to tukar ka sikit2 ka camne.

i KNOW!

Stupid right?

Then again, xda juak kmk sent or do it. i KNOW! Stupid right?!

Kmk nang such a mess la. Which if a girl to not want me after knowing this, its okay la i guess. i know that i am not a good example of a guy anyways.



Although the only thing that kmk really wanted to say is:

Ya jak sbena nya..

Wishful Thinking.

is feeling sad and lonely right now.

plus

is thinking of someone right now too. yeah, cuma dpt ya jak la, thinking of.. missing.. 

does she feels the same? highly unlikely.

Wishful thinking..

wishful thinking jak la.. 

Even though kmk is in a really down ngan depressed mood lately, hopefully.. actually, ada sbena nya someone out there IS thinking and missing kmk tok. Just maybe kmk tok yg too blind to notice.
and sticking to that notion..

(Sweet dreams)

Feelin Friday: Too Easily & Too Fast

Too Easily? Too Fast?

...
...

Kmk just hated the fact that kmk have the tendencies to make up assumption based on little or to no actual fact. This can be of anything but especially in terms of love.

 Kmk nang tuyuk.

What i thought kali there was something, the actual fact, xda apa2 sbena nya. Kmk jak yang cuma terperasan lebih. i guess kmk just making the same mistake all over again.




Too Fast..
Too Easily..

Kmk try(as much as i can) and tried not to be too hopeful, then again kmk do that anyways subconsciously. Which is one of the many things that kmk hate about myself.

Welcome to Feelin Friday.

or Sad Saturday..

Tired Tired Tired Tuesday.

Argh..

Ritok nang lelah lelah lelah selelah lelah nya. Ne ndak marek abis keja kul 11:15pm, dari pagi nya kul 8:30am. Walaupun keja kmk sebenanya bukan lah kerja yang melibat kan banyak tenaga dari badan tapi penggunaan palak otak.

And yang mana memerlukan konsentrasi ngan dedikasi spenuh nya. Ya jak la tek, mun palak otak kita lelah, of course sluruh badan akan merasa kesan nya. By the end of the day, otak ngan badan dah bena bena lelah, rasa xdpt ngan xda tenaga utk meneruskan lagik, tapi d sebabkan kerja perlu d siap kan & xdpt nak xbring forward lagik, maok xmaok tepaksa juak ngabis sampei ke larut malam.

So bila balit umah, lekak mandi apa smua, nang peng terus.

Ingat tek ritok ada la rasa segar, sebab dah tido terus lekak balit keja. Tapi nang udah sleep pattern kmk yang xbagus, kmk mala jak terbangun tengah malam juak, then ritok tek. Kmk xsesegar & secergas dari pagi tek.

By lunch, kmk udah macam Ultraman mok abis tenaga lawan monster..



Dapat kmk mejin, mun kmk la Ultraman tek, nang power level kat dada kmk ya blinking blinking non stop. Sampei kan tgh tgh bizi keja kmk hampir hampir hilang konsentrasi.

Seolah olah roh kmk mok keluar dari badan rasa nya, menguap entah brapa byk kali. Even though kmk ke toilet dua tiga kali utk berpungas muka, tapi maseh juak otak, badan kmk dah low lalu power level. Entah mun ada bantal d berik, nang bekuroh kali kmk tido d opis.

Haha..

Nektok mok tido tapi maseh belom juak rasa ngantok tok dtg. sigek gik nok sik best nya, nektok kmk kenak silent treatment. Which is sucks. And it is all my fault. And i deserved it. :(




i guess, i just give her, her space for now. If she ever needs me, i'd still be here.

Oh sigek gik, kmk xpandei mujok org. Which is sucks, oh well.. i suck anyways, and not to forget stupid as well..

....
....

and now suddenly i missed her..

~SIGH~

Sad Sad Sad Saturday.

Hari tok nang xbagus nasib. RM500 terbang giya jak. Tapi kmk nang kenak tipu la. Mun org ya jujor and mungkin la(harap2) nya kali tek terlalek and salah engkah duit then nya sedar nya salah tudoh and dah terlebih ambik duit and hopefully akan pulang kan balit, Alhamdulilah la, tp mun nya x, and for some reason or another nya ada niat nak menipu, kmk nang xhalal duit ya.

Org lain pun susah juak, in different situation, in different type of life. Tapi ya bukan nya boleh d jadikan alasan utk menipu. Kerajaan dah merik duit free, syukor la. Rupa xjuak mcm "org susah" dalam erti kata org susah sbenar. Cuma nya layak dlm definisi yg d tetapkn jak utk terimak ihsan kerajaan.

Bukan nak beburok sangka, tapi mun and of course mmg udah ada jenis org nok mmg jaik ngan opportunist kedak tok.  Nya ngga org tok senang jak nak d tipu i.e kmk, alu ambik peluang. Kmk nang xhalal duit ya. Biar Allah jak membalas nya dudi hari. Amin.

Well..

In time like this la, kmk wish that kmk ada org nok dpt kmk kongsikan kmk mpun frustration ngan somewhat  hidden anger tok. Kmk may look like kmk calm and collective tp sbenanya rasa nak marah bena dgn situasi tok. Come on, RM500 ya bah.. Ya kira belanja sbulan makan bah. Cuma what's the point, benda dah jadi, and kmk at that time, in a situation yg chaotic juak, so xtauk how and what had happen. Then kenak ambik peluang oleh org gik, arrggh.. fuck la.

Geram, marah, kecewa.

And funny thing, kmk cuma dpt melepas kekecewaan tok dgn bercakap sorg dirik d sitok.

Sometimes, in times like this, where xda apa nak d polah gik. Cuma nak just cakap jak la apa2 ngan seseorg utk mengilang kan rasa geram, & kecewa tok dari hati nok panas ngan dlm kesedihan tok.




i am so lonely.

LOL.

Feelin Friday: Stolen

Stolen?



Truth be told. i have a bad self esteem and self confidence issues. issues with myself. issues that kmk have for the somewhat the most of my life. Imagine this, where in some situation, whatever it is, in that perticular situation one would, normally for most normal person, one get a confidence boost, tapi mun kmk it would happen the exact opposite with me.

Well, there is someone like to "flirt" with me. The reason kmk engkah "..." adalah sebab in my completely somewhat deranged and PERASAN mind, that kmk think she might "flirt" with me. Haha.. Sbb the way she is when she is with me. The thing that she does is both flattering and scares me both at the same time.

Flattering: Of course la... if ada someone secantik(sekacak: bhs melayu swk), have complete confidence with herself, ngan elegantly independent, suddenly "flirt"(PERASAAN PERASAN KMK LA) or treat me differently, kmk rasa suk, or simply feeling good. Truthfully la, kmk suka like that. kmk really seriously appreciates it so much. hmm.. "suka like that"? haha..

Scares: YES. like kmk said previously, i have a bad self esteem and self confidence issues with myself. i am easily discourage ngan easily loose keyakinan ngan dirik sendirik. Why? Sounds stupid right? Well partly because i am stupid. Haha.. Because in me head, kmk heran, what does she sees in me? You know, when kmk sees nothing that is of good quality in myself. i know, that self degrading is not good. But kmk subconsciously do that to myself sometimes.

Yang kmk heran she is so so so much better than me. Kmk rasa that kmk is not worthy of her, and yet, this beautiful beautiful beautiful person, is ya Allah, treats me so good and giving me the attention that kmk don't even should d berik in first place. Bless her! and THAT FUCKING SCARES ME!

Hahaha..

Perhaps scares is too much of a strong word. kmk rasa intimidated paling sesuai. Mun dlm BM intimidated would probably suited ngan "segan". tapi segan mpun meaning xsebrapa kuat. in my opinion la. But i hope that you guys my imaginary readers would understand la. KALI.

 Yes, beautiful, confident and independent woman, intimidates me. SERIOUS.

Because..

Kmk am not any of that. i am immature, low self esteem and unreliable "man". Sucks. i know. Kmk feels that kmk don't deserve such attention from such a beautiful beautiful beautiful person. kmk don't deserve any of it.

YET.

The more she does it, the more she stole(and stealing) something from me. Well....


(Sweet dreams you)


Welcome to Feelin Friday.