Last Words.

My last words(thoughts about her).
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Kmk rasa la, this should stop now. Should just be enough for me. Pointless juak utk kmk menerus kan nya. i had enough i guess. fed up?! Hahahahaha.. (tetak dilemma tok)

Seems like she and him has patch things up. Good la.. i guess.
i do hope he is a good man for her.
Hopefully he will take good care of her, as i would imagine how kmk would do.
Hopefully she and him will be have a good life together. InsyaAllah.
Frustrated. Yes. Of course.
Sapa sik? kmk is only human. not some kind of robot that dapat just tossed out my feelings away just mcm ya ajak.

Kmk xda nak rasa marah or whatever, why should i? Frust? Normal la ya.

i guess, he didn't really let his feelings for her go.
i guess, she never did also let her feelings for him go.

Kmk will always be that beggar on the side. i know, pointless even from the start.

i know i should be happy for her.
kmk even pray for her to be happy.
Seriously kmk always do. in my every prayer.
The funny and ironic things is, my exact word is:

"berik lah kebahagiaan ngan nya, even if it may not be with me".

i guess my prayers have been answered. Alhamdullilah.

i love her so much. yes i really do.
BUT.
He loves her too (perhaps even more than me). and She loves him.
Unfortunately she never had any feelings for me.

So..
So be it.
What am i to do? Let go jak la.

If by any chance kmk have the courage and the right moment, kmk would like to thank her, sbb memberik kmk peluang utk jatuh hati ngan nya, and camne nak madah, sbb apakata org, just layan jak apa olah kmk slamak tok.

i love you so much girl, but your happiness means more to me than my own.



Thanx for everything.
Jaga dirik ktk bait2.

Al Fatihah.

Baru la kmk sedar yg betapa terasing nya kmk ngan sedara mara d kampong. Nektok d hospital Miri, nunggu org ngambik arwah sedara kmk yg baruk jak ninggal tek.

Nang xsangka juak. Sbb masa balit kampong ari minggu tok tek, ngga si arwah mcm sehat jak, time kmk org minum breakfast d gerei nya.

Yalah, ajak maut d tangan Allah swt, kita xtauk bila sampei masa kita.

Time2 kedak tok kmk rasa rendah dirik juak sbb kmk tauk betapa cetek nya ilmu agama kmk. Fardhu kifayah pun ingat2 lupak. Rasa nya perlu kmk belajar balit apa yg patut d tauk, supaya sekira nya berlaku kematian dlm ahli keluarga sendirik, boleh lah kmk polah apa nok perlu.

Walaupun kmk xbrp kenal si arwah & ahli keluarga nya, & sedara2 dari kampong yg ada nggu, sebak juak rasa. Semoga roh arwah d tempat kan d kalangan org2 beriman. Amin.

Family, Kids, Etc..

Sure.
Someday kmk maok a family of my own. Who doesn't. Bukan nya kita tok diam negara maju mcm Jepon, US or Europa yang dah rasa bekeluarga tok xpenting utk idup. Yes, ada org giya. Jgn torg xcayak. Cdak merasakan yg mun berkahwin secara sah, bekeluarga & ada anak tok menyusahkan. Bagus gik idup tanpa ikatan apa2 dgn pasangan. Mun dah lejuk dgn org tok carik gik org lain.

Kita xsama. Kita ada agama, ada adat & gaya idup yg jaoh beza dari cdak nok kedak ya. Sigek perlu d ingat, sebagai org muslim, siapa lagik yg akan mendoakan kesejahteraan kita d alam barzakh, mun sik dari doa2 anak yang soleh betul sik?

Even though, kmk tok xsesuai utk berdakwah or mengingatkn sapa2, but kmk harap ada juak sikit ilmu & bekalan agama utk dirik sendirik, and hopefully cukup utk menjadi seorang suami and ketua keluarga kelak.

Does that means that i am ready utk idup bekeluarga?
Honestly i don't know, maybe sik, maybe yes. Who knows. Bukan nya kmk ada pengalaman pun. Hahaha.. Tapi kmk will pick up & ambik apa2 jak nasehat, pengalaman & ilmu, apa2 jak la utk mempersiap kan dirik kmk yg xtahu menahu apa2 tok.

Of course i have someone in mind, that maybe, ne tauk, dgn izin Allah, akan bersama2 dgn kmk menempuh masa depan. Yes, there is no other. It has always been her.

Funny thing la, she's the first woman that kmk feels & envisioned yg the person kmk wants to be with utk menempuh cabaran idup tok bersama2. Kmk xpernah ada kwn mpuan yg kmk rasa so much in love with, like this before. Actually "funny" ya mungkin xsesuai utk describe situasi tok.

At this point in time, since bday kmk riya. Kmk dah xmok force my feelings towards her lagik. Kmk xmok paksa2 nya lagik dah. She already knows how i feels about her. She knows that my feelings for her will stay the same.
If she feels that kmk xsesuai utk nya, that i am not the one, what to do la, so be it.
But.
If she needs me, kmk will always be here for her. Always waiting. Always.
Bak kata Jason Mraz dlm lagu nya You and i Both;
"Telephone works both ways" betul sik? She can call me, text me, or even perhaps Facebook me.
Kmk will be more than happy to be there for her.

Whatever the future may be la.
Kmk hanya merancang apa yang terbaik utk dirik kmk, utk nya(hopefully), and of course masa depan. Cuma ketentuan nok pasti, hanya Allah jak nok tauk.
i am so much in love with her. That is the reality kinektok.